During the relationship with my girls’ father, I had lost connection with my sexuality and feminine power. I felt empty, lost and confused. This was bizarre because I thought I was liberated and independent before that, but underneath I had been disconnected from my heart and authentic power. The freedom and independence I had experienced until then had been a form of rebellion to reclaim myself from being immersed in such a suppressive culture, including a Catholic Upbringing and being sent to religious schools.
While studying Wholistic Psychology another big piece of my life’s puzzle dropped in. As part of a process to reveal our next steps and higher purpose, we gathered in circle and picked 2 cards each. I love cards and the messages they transmit. One card had a word around the edge, and the other was a smaller card with a picture that fit within the other one, so the cards worked as a pair. We didn’t turn our cards over until it was our turn to see and share them with the group. Each person received profound messages from their cards, and most gasped when they turned them over. I was super curious about what was hidden in my cards!
When it was my turn, the large card said ‘Power’. When I turned the smaller card over, I saw a painting of a naked woman with her legs spread apart, looking up between her thighs at her yoni (vagina). Gasp! The image was shocking and confronting. Power and Sexuality.
Right then, I knew that my path was to reclaim the power of my sexuality. It was also part of my higher purpose to heal this on the planet, especially with birth being so intimately intertwined with sexual power for a woman, and the eons of neglect and trauma of birth and sexuality that have thwarted our culture. Even though the message was clear, it took years of my own healing before I was ready to step into a space of serving others.